Great piece. I agree that tricks are ultimately just crutches. You can only keep up that act for so long.
I would argue that many men are caught in a cycle of self-loathing, and only by learning to love and value themselves can they operate authentically. When a man truly respects himself, he believes he is worthy of good things and can attain them without resorting to manipulation.
Manipulation tactics persist because they are effective, at least in securing short-term success, i.e., getting laid. And the reality is that most men are incentivized towards following this path, racking up numbers as opposed to building meaningful relationships. Most women (out of poor character or falling to the tactics) will reward such behavior, reinforcing the cycle.
However, the man who builds himself into what he could be for his own sake (not for the sake of a woman) often creates a sanctuary in which a worthy woman would join. He is satisfied in himself and who he has become, and he needs not shapeshift to attract a woman.
I agree with CTD we have to connect the dots in our everyday living, without this, we will fail. We have to hold ourselves to account, we cannot do it for someone else ( if we try we will fail). So often the issue has been the model we grew up with may have been faulty. But so we oneself as we truly are and then to build to where we need to be, can be painful but ultimately fruitful
And to me, who we really are is the complete version, so it is a finding back. But I understand and am an advocate for looking in the mirror and to see, where we are not how we deep down want to be.
This is an impressive observation and teaching Franziska!!
It applies to everyone, but you are wise and right to address men here, because it is not the norm or default thinking for them. Especially with the psuedo, egotistical, "masculine garbage being hocked by the influencers out there, many of whom are in dire need of this work.
I've always said that a man has one of the best litmus tests of himself to use, right in his own house. The mirror.
Men, stand in front of the mirror and ask yourself these questions - but you have to let down your guard and the mask you wear for the world and actually be honest with who is staring back at you, because he will know if your faking it:
- Am I a good man all the time or just when people are watching or I want something?
- Am I an honest man?
- Am I in the physical shape or health I want to be in?
- Am I a drunk.?
- Am I addicted to porn?
- Do I have things I hide form the world?
And the two most important ones:
- Do I like, who the person I see. The one I know every secret and shame about?
- Do I love the person I see?
This exercise will give you places to start, the healing Franziska is talking about.
One last thing, because guys (especially those captured by the BS influencers) will be like, this is crap, I'm fine.
Ask yourselves this: When I was a boy and old enough to understand and feel the importance of my dad, would I have wanted him to be a liar, cheater, drunk, porn addict, cold and indifferent toward me or my mother, abuser and belittler of my mother, or have him treat her like nothing more than a receptacle for his sexual needs? Is that the type of man I would have wanted and wished for as a boy?
No, none of us would have, and those of us who had that or worse, always hoped and prayed our dad would be like Jimmy's dad down the road who was strong, caring, tough, loving, giving and had the capacity to make you feel wanted, accepted and important, when you were around him. A real and true man, who had done the work to understand and heal himself, so he could be there for his family, children and others.
Be a man, do the work, stop lying and faking it, because your not fooling the rest of the world. Do the work and become the man you have the potential to be and everything will fall into place faster than you ever thought it could.
Thank you Franziska and I'm sorry this was so long.
If you’re attracted to someone because of who they are , why do you want to change it? , if it’s only physical attraction that’s a different kind of animal , but I’m more interested in kindness and humour than superficial things like looks , sure if you have everything you are lucky I guess , either that or loaded with cash . We can’t all have the looks, brains and cash , like Donald Trump
I am married yes , but so is Trump and look where that got everyone . Greenland is his apparently he is starting wars in Yemen and Iran too probably and apparently ending one in Ukraine “I doubt it”
Great piece. I agree that tricks are ultimately just crutches. You can only keep up that act for so long.
I would argue that many men are caught in a cycle of self-loathing, and only by learning to love and value themselves can they operate authentically. When a man truly respects himself, he believes he is worthy of good things and can attain them without resorting to manipulation.
Manipulation tactics persist because they are effective, at least in securing short-term success, i.e., getting laid. And the reality is that most men are incentivized towards following this path, racking up numbers as opposed to building meaningful relationships. Most women (out of poor character or falling to the tactics) will reward such behavior, reinforcing the cycle.
However, the man who builds himself into what he could be for his own sake (not for the sake of a woman) often creates a sanctuary in which a worthy woman would join. He is satisfied in himself and who he has become, and he needs not shapeshift to attract a woman.
well said, thank you for your perspective!
I agree with CTD we have to connect the dots in our everyday living, without this, we will fail. We have to hold ourselves to account, we cannot do it for someone else ( if we try we will fail). So often the issue has been the model we grew up with may have been faulty. But so we oneself as we truly are and then to build to where we need to be, can be painful but ultimately fruitful
And to me, who we really are is the complete version, so it is a finding back. But I understand and am an advocate for looking in the mirror and to see, where we are not how we deep down want to be.
This is an impressive observation and teaching Franziska!!
It applies to everyone, but you are wise and right to address men here, because it is not the norm or default thinking for them. Especially with the psuedo, egotistical, "masculine garbage being hocked by the influencers out there, many of whom are in dire need of this work.
I've always said that a man has one of the best litmus tests of himself to use, right in his own house. The mirror.
Men, stand in front of the mirror and ask yourself these questions - but you have to let down your guard and the mask you wear for the world and actually be honest with who is staring back at you, because he will know if your faking it:
- Am I a good man all the time or just when people are watching or I want something?
- Am I an honest man?
- Am I in the physical shape or health I want to be in?
- Am I a drunk.?
- Am I addicted to porn?
- Do I have things I hide form the world?
And the two most important ones:
- Do I like, who the person I see. The one I know every secret and shame about?
- Do I love the person I see?
This exercise will give you places to start, the healing Franziska is talking about.
One last thing, because guys (especially those captured by the BS influencers) will be like, this is crap, I'm fine.
Ask yourselves this: When I was a boy and old enough to understand and feel the importance of my dad, would I have wanted him to be a liar, cheater, drunk, porn addict, cold and indifferent toward me or my mother, abuser and belittler of my mother, or have him treat her like nothing more than a receptacle for his sexual needs? Is that the type of man I would have wanted and wished for as a boy?
No, none of us would have, and those of us who had that or worse, always hoped and prayed our dad would be like Jimmy's dad down the road who was strong, caring, tough, loving, giving and had the capacity to make you feel wanted, accepted and important, when you were around him. A real and true man, who had done the work to understand and heal himself, so he could be there for his family, children and others.
Be a man, do the work, stop lying and faking it, because your not fooling the rest of the world. Do the work and become the man you have the potential to be and everything will fall into place faster than you ever thought it could.
Thank you Franziska and I'm sorry this was so long.
If you’re attracted to someone because of who they are , why do you want to change it? , if it’s only physical attraction that’s a different kind of animal , but I’m more interested in kindness and humour than superficial things like looks , sure if you have everything you are lucky I guess , either that or loaded with cash . We can’t all have the looks, brains and cash , like Donald Trump
haha, I don´t think, looks as in a perfect face are in important. Vitality is. Strength is. Flexibility is.
Who someone is, is sometimes hard to say because many people hide behind many layers.. anyways, no, you don´t have to play.
And you specifically not because you are married, right? :-)
I am married yes , but so is Trump and look where that got everyone . Greenland is his apparently he is starting wars in Yemen and Iran too probably and apparently ending one in Ukraine “I doubt it”