Less Muscles, More Heart?

The brainwashing, that leaves women dry.

When I told a man recently that my work is to help men understand what women want, he concluded “so, work less on your muscles and more on your {heart}”. I honestly don´t know anymore, what he said- was it “heart”, “understanding”, “empathy”? I can´t recall because I was mentally out the moment he recited the story of the “modern” man. So many quotation marks in the intro alone..!

Photo Credit: @otto.masters

I said “well..both!” knowing that what he said is in the heads of so many- men and women- but actually not meeting the desire of most women.

The brainwashing

The most impressive thing for me is, that even women believe that they are now more interested in the softer versions of a man, refusing “toxic masculine traits, that only want to suppress them”(secretly gushing over 50 shades of grey and similar) and everything that helped us survive up until now, thus signaled safety and was perceived as attractive in men, is not taken in account anymore.

It is a sign of how artificial and brainwashed we have become in my eyes, at least on a surface level. We can afford to have men, that are not able or ready to protect us. Two things are not adding up:

1. this distance from our and natures roots is not given- it might be true now but no one knows what will come and I know for certain that if it changes and our artificial safety doesn´t hold up anymore, women want men, who can protect them (so men with all the “toxic” qualities).

2. in our depths we are still programmed as we were when we lived in caves- our biology follows the path of our ancestors and what worked until now- it only slowly changes. Meaning: women still want strong men, who can protect, conquer and provide.

I can see comments already about how “not all women want that” and thats fine, keep them coming, it helps me grow.

The thing with this brainwashing is, that it dries women out, literally. Women might try to convince themselves they are attracted to something they only maybe like the idea of but their body doesn´t react to. So they have this societally deemed “amazing, progressive partner” but don´t get wet. If she doesn´t realize her actual desires, she stays in a very miserable place, an underfucked one, not juicy, not open, not surrendered, not feeling life in her body. And if she ever comes to experience the joy of being pinned against the wall by a masculine man and his hand around her throat, she will wake up, her juices will flow again and the primary programming takes over again. Garantueed.

It of course is both

I think we entered a time, where women need more in order to feel safe, so it is indeed not only about muscles and the primary signs of masculinity but the deeper understanding of the feminine needs and self control- we probably have been there already in more ancient times, maybe.

If you look closely, to every primary trait in men, there is a more extended version, one that includes the heart and thus complete the picture of what masculinity is and what women want:

• protectiveness the drive to protect what is his, what is given to him- woman, children, the “tribe”. He will fight for them to keep them safe on a physical level. It of course includes, that his tribe is not threatened by him, too. The extended version is that he cares for the wellbeing of them, not only in moments of danger. He draws a general protective line around them, so they can thrive inside.

• dominance/assertiveness the ability to conquer the world, basically. It´s an energy, that he carries, telling the world around him, that he is to respect and gets what he wants. He is certain of himself, confident and brave, which makes him a skilled provider. However, there are dominant men out there, not able to control themselves, which would be the more elevated form of it: the ability to dominate his own impulses too, to be the one leading himself. The extended version is the ability to lead, including not only his impulses but the needs of those submitted to him.

• vigor/strength yes, we want a physically strong, vital man. A man in his juice, able to throw us over the shoulder and on the bed, someone stronger than we are. It´s physically attractive and signals safety. Again, he needs to be in charge so his impulses don´t go out of hand, which would make him a danger. The extension of it is emotional strength: he can hold whatever is thrown at him, physically and emotionally. So, to be more clear: he is not afraid of her emotions and she knows, that she is a 100% safe with and held by him.

• exertion it is what ties into the previous point. It´s the blowing up of limitations- his own and the limitations of the world. It is what makes him gain strength and power. He can apply it to his relationship or improvement of self so he develops the skills to understand and satisfy her, build stamina and control over himself. This all takes effort, that he can apply to elevate himself and his relationship.

• clarity to be single focused surely is very primary masculine, to have a goal in sight. It´s good for hunting as it is to determine the direction of his life and those in his life, always including everyones needs, not only his.

• providing the ability to provide for his loved ones on a physical level, so food, shelter, money. This alone is beautiful, if taken to the next level, it is to provide safety, love, a place to relax for all.

These are a few points, that came to mind. In general you can say, that the call from women is for men to have control over themselves and their masculine impulses, so really leading themselves, open their hearts to them and to include them into their lives.

The way to get there is not via emasculating men but by taking the primary ones and elevate them. We still want men, not men as women. We want to feel safe with you and loved, so we need you taking control over yourself, able to handle, whatever comes at you.

What I see today is not close to it. The majority is shut down in some way, emasculated, feminized and not taking charge of their impulses.

I said it in a note and will put it here again:

So, what is at the core of this sentiment, is the need to be in tune with our body and desires. It is the ability to lead ourselves. If we do, we are harder to manipulate, we just feel and know, what is right for us. These are the two factors, where it keeps coming back to. And yes, I think, most people are not there yet. First step is to stop the outside chatter and look inside. We won´t get the men we truly want by discarding the primary masculine.