I write about how women feel men- the subtle dynamics, the silent impact, the moments that shape safety, desire and connection. My work guides men into deeper presence, integrity and grounded masculine leadership.
While you are doing your absolute fucking best to be respectful, a gentleman, independent, caring, available but not too available- basically everything you were told to be as a modern man… she is not drawn to you and she doesn´t gush over you, although that´s what you were actually aiming for.
So what is the problem, damn it?!
You are running away from your shadow.
Whenever someone asks me what I’m looking for in a man, I say: a counterpart. A male version of me- someone who can meet me, who doesn’t flinch, who is willing to bring his all just as I do.
Over the years I met many men- cool men, good men, loving men. I still wasn’t hooked, and big part of it was the absence of darkness, shadow, edge.
Before this is understood as a type I have- it’s not. We all carry shadow, and if we don’t give it space, it sits in the drivers seat, unconsciously steering us.
When shadow is suppressed, or attempted to be, it reads as stiffness, closedness, tension, control. In relationships, this becomes a killer because there are always things that are not allowed to be, and that restriction suffocates intimacy, it suffocates her, it suffocates life.
So when I say I want a counterpart, I want someone who wears his darkness on his sleeve, someone able to meet mine. Not shocked, irritated, overwhelmed or accommodating.
I love darkness, I love the depths of this life, and I am irritated whenever people pretend they don’t carry it, because I can feel the underbelly anyway.
When I work with men, it’s mostly shadow work- making conscious what was unconscious, shining light on the hidden, removing shame and guilt so they can meet women as openly and powerfully as they actually are.
The thing is, as long as you are busy suppressing parts of yourself, you are in tension. You are burning energy just to keep the lid on, and you will not be able to meet the same shadowy things in her. Life has this funny way that it will always present you with lovers who carry the same core topics as you.
What many don’t see as a big deal- suppressing their darkness- is one of the main reasons relationships fail and intimacy dies.
A man who has faced his shadow, who leads it, who is not afraid to work with it… that’s a truly sexy, magnetic, masculine man.
Note: the male shadow is quite massive and more often than not- not conscious or it´s twisted into shame and guilt. Most men have a hard time recognizing it in themselves.
Book a free discovery call here if you want to start working with me.